Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: How ...

Dear numb1976,

Hello from one of the counselors on staff here at Focus -- I am sorry to read about your struggle to heal from and cope with the difficulties in your marriage and family.? One reason our forum is here is for providing a safe place for you to come with these honest questions and concerns.

When there is infidelity and consequences such as an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, this can indeed complicate the forgiveness and healing process.? But, no matter what the offense, if there is repentance and humility, marriages can be restored and hope can be found.

In your case, the continued contact that your husband has with the other women (and mother of his child) makes it difficult for your own emotions to settle and heal.? Naturally, questions and doubts arise about the nature of their ongoing contact.? This is understandable even though they have reasonable justification for regular contact due to the co-parenting they must do for the child they share.

In a situation like yours, I recommend that you and your spouse clearly define what your expectations, plans and boundaries are for the relationships in your lives.? There has been much hurt and numerous mistakes in the past -- those do not have to be repeated.? Meeting with a trained family counselor can help you two face the old wounds and consider how to protect your marriage in the future.? As for the back-and-forth thoughts of divorce that you find yourself having, this makes sense given that you have little stability or future planning in place.? Your emotions are able to whip you around from week to week as you merely exist without attending counseling or a following an intentional family plan.

We offer resources for marriage recovery after infidelity, and I will list several for you below.? Also, we refer folks to local counselors who may be able to meet your needs and provide outside perspective and ongoing marital therapy.? I hope you will use these links to order some items that can guide you and your spouse toward some planning and healing.? If that communication process between the two of you is too difficult to start alone, then give us a call so we might be of further encouragement and direction to you.? The number for our confidential consultation line is 1-855-771-HELP.? We would be glad to pray with you and help you look at your options for counseling and for getting your marriage recovery plan on track.

Some resources on this topic include:

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Thank you, again, for using our forum to pour out your heart and concerns -- I hope you will find compassion and direction here through our response and that of others taking part in our online discussions about family issues.

?

Sincerely,

?

Geremy, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Focus Counseling Dept.

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/23761

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